Need a Tissue

Need a Tissue: A Whirlwind of an Unexpected Offer

need a tissue - Spectre of the Brocken - Ran Kime - embracing the madness

I find myself caught in a peculiar situation–a triple sneeze and need a tissue. Just my luck. It turns out that fate, or what I fondly refer to as “ole’ baby cakes,” has something unexpected in store for me.

Winter has always been my solace, a cozy embrace during chilly nights. However, Blow-Ur-Brainz Tissue company disrupts my tranquility when they came knocking at my door, proposing a sponsorship deal for a Super Bowl commercial or a halftime show segment. It leaves me questioning my worth.

The marketing director, with an air of certainty, declares, “Oh yes, you are exactly what we need, and want.”

Perplexed, I inquire, “How so?”

With a sly smile, she explains, “All you have to do is showcase your winter experiences and demonstrate how Blow-Ur-Brainz Tissues helps you clean up the aftermath.”

“Aftermath?” I question, puzzled.

“Indeed. After the storm has settled, and you need assistance catching those metaphorical drifts,” she replies with a wink.

“I don’t have drifts,” I protest.

“Ah, but you do. You’ve been in a whiteout, and we want you to reveal how Blow-Ur-Brainz Tissues come to your rescue after the storm,” she repeats as if scripted and rehearsed a hundred times before. Unnatural and robotic.

“Soooo,” I pause, trying to grasp the absurdity, “you want me to be the spokesperson for your tissue company just because winter and I share some late-night intimacies?”

“Exactly. And if you feel daring, you could blow your brains out live at the Super Bowl halftime show, and we could have your loved ones clean up the mess using our tissues. Imagine the ratings! Ran, what do you think?” The marketing director turns to her nodding assistant, resembling a Parkinson’s patient.

“If you could blow your brains out live during the Super Bowl halftime show, it’d be a massive hit, a WOW factor! Just think, wouldn’t ‘Blow-Ur-Brainz Tissues… The Blow of a Lifetime’ be fantastic for ratings? Picture it as part of the halftime show, the show of a lifetime. Just sign here, here, and here… don’t forget to smile for the camera while doing so. It’ll impress our board tremendously.”

“Well, in that case, where’s the pen?”

Need a Tissue: You can find this story in the collection “Spectre of the Brocken: Halo for the Observer.”

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Ran Kime Writer
Ran Kime, a writer, poet, musician and recluse from New Hampshire, crafts abstract stories, flash fiction & poetry that probe the psyche. His collections include “Spectre of the Brocken: Halo for the observer” and “Way Past Tipsy & Other Silent Cries for Help”.